They reached out. You still get to choose.

Seeing their name on your phone can bring up several feelings at once. Before you decide what the message means, give yourself permission to read it without immediately responding.

Stay with what was said

“Hey, how are you?” means they asked how you are. It does not establish an intention to rebuild the relationship. An apology, a practical request, and a clear invitation to talk about reconciliation are different kinds of contact.

Write down the actual words if that helps. Underneath, separate what you know from what you hope or fear. You do not need to guess their hidden motive to decide whether you want to engage.

Check your own boundary

Do you want this conversation? Would replying fit the space you decided to take? Is there something practical that needs an answer? You can respond to a necessary question without agreeing to a personal conversation.

If you choose to reply, a short, direct response is enough. You do not need to perform indifference, calculate a delay, or write the perfect message to produce a particular reaction.

Let clarity matter

If they say they want to reconcile, ask what that would mean in practice. What do they understand about the ending? What has changed? What would both of you need before agreeing to try again?

A warm exchange does not replace those conversations. Neither does it obligate you to have them. You can care about their feelings while deciding that reopening the relationship is not right for you.

A next step: Before replying, finish: “The purpose of my response would be…” If you cannot name a purpose that fits your boundary, you can wait.